My Best

Jojo: But it's important to be resilient.
Me: How do you aquire resiliency?
Jojo: Just rising above. Overcoming adversity.
Me: Sigh, so it all comes from within... That's the part I'm having trouble with.

I've always been one to spend a little too much time thinking. Some days I sit here so engulfed in my dreams as the hours pass me by. And I come to realize many things. Part of me feels that I learned too soon what it's like to get everything I want. I have yet to understand true sacrifice & patience in fate. I want to be able to live simply & yet I don't want to lose my passion and drive. I don't want to lose that thirst for life.

A teeny tiny part of me misses that carefree selfish Sarah that I used to be. Life was a lot more fun back then. I miss letting my hair down and having fun. Somehow I'm going to find a way to really enjoy myself when I get there, to that point where I feel successful and deserve to live indulgently. I'm still young and I owe it to myself to try as hard as I can to live a life that is full & happy. Somehow I think I got caught up in settling & things being calm, which I had associated with being happy and having enough. But I realized I was coasting, meanwhile I should be finding the energy to keep reaching higher. It's in my nature to be that kind of person that keeps climbing. I will succeed. I have to believe that it is why I am here & this is what I am destined to do.

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes. Saying ayo, gotta let go. I wanna celebrate and live my life. Saying ayo, baby let's go. Cause we gon rock this club, we gon' go all night. We gon' light it up, like it's dynamite.

I'm gonna be the last one standing... I just want it all. -- Taio Cruz

Unexpected Milestone

Some of the best things in life are indeed unexpected... much like us.



To believe in yourself and to follow your dreams, to have goals in life and a drive to succeed, and to surround yourself with the things and the people that make you happy - this is success! -- Sasha Azevedo

2010, you are my year.
It's in the stars that I have the heart of a fierce tiger.

End of Q2

As we close the end of another quarter, the office gets a little busier with wrap ups and end of quarter deadlines. I look at the calendar and think, "how did another six months just pass me by?" It's been more than a year since I graduated college and nearly 4 months since I moved to the West Coast. This time last year, I made my first visit to San Francisco. It's crazy to think how much has happened and changed in the last few months. I've moved to a new city (and soon to a new apartment) and started a new full time job. I've made new friends and started new relationships.

These types of reflections make me wonder, "where do I want to be at the end of Q4... or in one year's time?" As I settle into my new life and make a new home, I can't help but look forward and what may lay ahead for me in the future. Lately on my commute to and from work, I daydream about business plans, improving my language skills, applying to grad school. Or perhaps I should just focus on furnishing the new place, getting a car... and the most exciting thing to look forward to -- getting a puppy! Some day... :)

Can't Make Up My Mind

Since I've made the move out here, I've given a whole lot of thought to what I plan to do with my time here. I dream up business plans on my walks downtown and on the bus rides homes. As friends and family ask if I have made a home here forever or whether I plan to ever move back home I can't help but wonder how long I my stay in SF will be. I've done my share of apartment hunting and exploring different neighborhoods. I attempt to wait patiently but consciously prepare myself for the decisions I will have to make soon enough.

I must admit it is terribly difficult trying to weigh ALL of the pros and cons for every choice so I'm glad I'm not exactly pressured to do so at the moment. But all day long, my head thinks should I move across the Bay where there are more spacious affordable apartments? Or just save myself the trouble of having to pay for the expensive Bart and Bay Bridge tolls. Would it be better to get a car out here or to move into a new place first? I know with city living you don't really need one but then again I don't live in the part of town where it's necessarily 'convenient'. So do I go with a pricier, smaller apartment where I can be a city dweller and walk wherever my mood fancies. Or would I prefer a life outside the bustling metropolitan where I can live simply in a quieter neighborhood with hopefully much more comfortable amenities, perhaps one that would even allow me to have a puppy someday.

I guess I'm just hoping things will fall into place and the choices will be clear to me as the time comes. I really shouldn't be so concerned with it right now as I always tell myself. I should be more worried about the interview I have tomorrow. Funny how I always start thinking of the 'well, if I get this job...' sorts of things rather than focusing on getting the job first. Oh how the dreamer in me never seems to tire.

Do I seem like the type to love em & leave em? - Sean Kingston & Justin Bieber

Sunday Conversations

It's those unplanned moments that you share with a person that can mean so much. It reminds you of where you come from and to take the time to reflect on the kind of person that you've grown to be. The mornings when you wake up not knowing what to expect, only to experience the simple things in life. I appreciate these moments. I appreciate you.

I am the kind of person who won't confront others because I don't want them to feel badly. I would rather keep my own feelings to myself than have to speak the harsh truth if it can be helped. I can be stubborn and it is foreign for me to be able to ask for help. You don't always realize it but the way you were raised, and more so the people who raised you, have shaped so much of your character and who you have become. I've always had difficulty expressing myself but I really think I have learned to be more emotional and more considerate. I've learned to accept things that I cannot control and it's something that I still struggle with to this day and always will. I am driven by the doubt others may have and over time I've realized that even I can be vulnerable to that same doubt.

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My little brother is on his own going to school in Florida. There were many times when I thought of moving down there with him. Not wanting him to be alone and making sure he always has a good meal. He's grown up so much and he is the true heart of our family. No one else remembers to call as often as he does and no one is as passionate about our family as he is. He knows the importance of communicating with each other and sticking by your side, because we're family. It breaks my heart when he shares his inner most thoughts with me. Don't get me wrong, I love being a big sister and I cherish that he can confide in me. He vents to me about his relationship issues, his frustration with our family, even his gripes about his roommate and living in Florida. There are times when he sounds down and it reminds me of when I was in college. He is unsure of whether or not he fits in and yet to me, there is nothing more that I want to say to him sometimes than to let him know that I am just so amazingly proud of him and that I love him so much. I wish I could be there sharing every moment with him but almost like a mother does, you have to let go and just trust that everything will be okay.

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It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me...
And I'm feelin good.

Different

I've been in San Francisco for 5 days now and I can't really think of anything to blog. My move here has been quite smooth and I feel at ease in my new home. It's not awkward at all and I can definitely get used to this. If I had to say anything, I would say that SF is different. The people carry themselves with a different air. The neighborhoods I've walked around are a little rougher around the edges than I imagined. It's funny that when you are immersed in different surroundings you realize how much your roots have shaped you and your expectations.

I think what I really need to work on is making this life what I wanted. I want a life of simplicity, well-being, sunshine... a vibrant life. I don't mean vibrant in the sense that I want to be going out all the time, spending a lot, or that I want a life filled with events and drama. I mean that I want a life that is fulfilling and a life that allows me to find joy in the small things. I know that sounds cheesy, but honestly, I would love to spend more time being outdoors, eating healthier, learning to cook, taking a pilates class, decorating my home, being more creative, reinventing myself...

I'm excited.

Inspiring.

I run fast and jump high...
And I'm not scared to fall hard...
Because I know that you'll be there to catch me. ♥


I watched the television as Kim Yuna, the world's favorite champion figure skater, won another gold medal for South Korea. I have always adored and envied figure skaters for their ability to effortlessly dance and glide on the ice. It was as if they were flying. Yuna has the natural grace that is the perfect complement to her affirmative determination. She has worked so hard to become the best and yet she maintains the utmost humility. Exuding confidence in her every step and move, she knows that what she produces cannot be matched. Even in the moments when things come out short of what she imagined, she is satisfied knowing that she has done everything she can and that she is still the best in the world. Hard work truly pays off in the most beautiful way for Kim Yuna.

Announcement

I've been having a hard time trying to tell loved ones the news... Maybe it's more difficult dealing with their reactions... But either way, I couldn't leave without letting people know. It's not easy to figure out how to put this but...

I'm moving...

...to San Francisco. My last trip to Boston will be the weekend of the 20th and I will be departing New Jersey on the 26th. I have a few stops, Florida and Chicago, before I arrive at my final destination but it's been decided. It's that simple, really. Transferring stores and applying to FIDM. We'll see how it goes.

Wish me luck.

I'd love to see you before I go, that is... if you'd like to see me.
You know how to reach me.

Good for Me

Some of the things I want in 2010... some of the things I want for me.



















Not just because I want them... but because it could be good for me.

Thinking Positive

As I think about my future and what direction I want to go, there's a lot of factors that seem to cloud my judgment at times. While I love my friends and family and appreciate their concern, there are times when I find their words to be a bit discouraging.

I've been holding back with what I've wanted lately. I try to be smart and do what is most sensible. I don't want to disappoint my parents or have to turn to them if I ever run into financial troubles. But when I look at the bigger picture, playing it safe hasn't gotten me anywhere. People tell me to just find a job at home, save up for a couple of years... Sorry, but do you know how long a couple of years is? A year goes by quick, yes. But that's one year that I could be experiencing new things and making something of myself. I think I've already wasted enough time and playing it safe has yet to prove anything. It's just not me. Maybe for me, the rules made for everyone else just don't apply.

What's most frustrating is when I feel like I can't control what happens to me. I can't control which employers will call me for an interview and things like that but I should do things that I know I can do. I've started to feel like people... as much as they are just worried about me... they are just showing me that they doubt my ability to make it on my own. I've lived in different cities and even countries without knowing anyone and I've made it more than fine. If anything, that's when I feel my best, pushing myself to be different and to do big things.

It's been difficult to write this post. I don't know if I've gotten everything out since I keep erasing my thoughts and rewriting them. As I think about it again and again, the more it becomes harder to deal with every day. I just need it to stop. Stop doubting how much I want it or why I want it. Give me a quiet second to just reassure myself. That's all I need. Nothing else and no one else... In the face of doubt, I'm going to make it happen. I always do.

What makes you happy?

Since when was I the girl who didn't know what she wanted? I've never been the kind of person to hesitate. I know what will make me happy and I go with my gut. Is it possible to be scared of wanting something? I want to leave here. I want stability. I want routine. I want comfort. I want to settle somewhere and make a home for myself. I want to keep the people I love close to me.

I woke up this morning with a mini panic attack happening all in my head. I keep trying to think of the things I need to do and all I can feel is my blood pressure. I make a poor attempt to keep my cool and tell myself to take it one step and one day at a time. But nothing really ever gets done because I don't know where to start. I'm afraid that I'll take a few steps and that it will change everything. The indecisive Libra in me comes out in full force. I can't even make decisions to go anywhere because I don't know where I'll be during that time. Obviously, I'm here living at home but I guess I'm hoping I'll be somewhere else by then. The countless number of hours sitting here weighing out the pros and cons for each possibility end only in vain.

I keep music playing constantly in hopes that I won't hear myself and become overwhelmed. It's as if I have too many options and somehow I'm supposed to know what to choose for myself. One would think they are lucky to have as many options as me but I almost feel that it's what is holding me back. I could go to the West Coast and try something totally different or move to Florida to be there for my brother. I could go back to France and become more fluent. Then there's always staying home and saving money. I could take a job just to have a job or I can just part time or temp in the mean time until I find what's right. I don't want to choose something and look back later on thinking that I made the wrong choice. And yet, I know I don't want to spend my time overthinking and just wasting my chance to be doing something with myself. I want to be that girl who knew what made her happy and went with her gut.

Photo by {belle}.

There are nights that I can't sleep because my thoughts are so loud. I just want to close my eyes and I hope that when I open them again, things will be so much clearer to me. As if my patience is supposed to somehow bring me an answer. I have this dreadful feeling deep inside me knowing that what is supposed to happen is that I'm supposed to make the choice. The choice that will dictate how everything else falls into place. To be honest, I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet, to see how the rest of my life will unfold.


Blog posts are so much better with pictures, aren't they?


Just leave with me now, say the word and we'll go... - Jason DeRulo