Bonjour & Bisous

Bisous /bi.zu/
n. kisses

In the States, daily hugs and kisses when you see your friends is a bit... I hate to say it this way... but 'high school'. I remember it was a lot more common to give a friend a kiss on one cheek when you saw them in the halls between classes and usually it's someone you're pretty comfortable/close to. In college, this doesn't happen as much. Hugs are given when you haven't seen a good friend for a while, but that's it. It's really not common to give kisses on the cheek to someone, especially if you see them all the time.

In France, this is completely the opposite. The French greet their friends and acquaintances each day with two kisses, one on each cheek. It's really considered rude to not address every person when you meet with a group of people or anyone. If you're at a party and there are 20 people in the room, you will make your rounds and kiss everyone. Another thing is that when you 'kiss', you must be sure that it's an air-kiss and that your lips don't touch the person's cheek or you might be sending the wrong idea.

I may be considered a 'cold' person. I've often been told that when I am walking by myself, I look very serious and that perhaps I should smile more. When I am alone, I tend to not look around so much or pay attention to what's going on or who is around me. It's not often that I stop to say hello if I am on my way somewhere. It's not that I don't want to say hi, but I'm just not walking around to looking for you to say hi. I'm just trying to get somewhere. If I'm not in a rush and in a friendly mood, then sure, I will stop to talk to a friend. And again, the kisses don't usually happen.

Sometimes, especially in the morning, I'm kind of grouchy and I don't want to be bothered. I walk really quickly and hope no one stops me to say hi because I'm just not in a chatting kind of mood. I'm not being mean. I just want my space. I don't want people always in my face and socializing just because I'm out in public. I'm not that kind of person. I don't need to do it 24/7. To be honest, it's suffocating.

Mon cheri actually likes to scold me when I don't say hi and give kisses when we arrive or meet someone. I can understand because people are getting a not so great impression of me. But then again, I wish people would understand that I'm not always comfortable giving kisses to people I don't feel like I'm good friends with. And then I feel my cheeks turn pink as he points out that I'm not being nice and that I should give them kisses. It's almost as bad as when people ask me to say something in French.

You would think it's a simple thing to just pick up and learn how to do. I get the whole concept. It's so much harder to do every day though. And trust me, it happens every day. I try to adapt and I want to be cultured. But I guess it's the American in me and I never realized how hard it would actually be. Who knew such habits were ingrained so strongly in my personality. I get this feeling of discomfort and I'm not sure if I should just ignore it. Will they notice whether or not I did the bisous thing? Will they really care?

It's not that I don't like doing the whole 'bisous' thing. I actually really like the idea and it's very cordial. It gives you a consistent way to say hello so there is no awkward, "Should I hug or kiss you today?" I find myself keeping an eye out when I am out now or about to be somewhere and I know I will see friends. I push myself to take initiative and make conversation. There is a part of me, though, that just doesn't feel like me. Or maybe this is what I wanted? To be 'French'... to become a mademoiselle...